Ugh I really have been working, but nothing that I can really show right now. So here's an old sketch I managed to squeeze in at some point last week!
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I wanted to talk about some things going on lately and a point that I thought about with a friend the other day. In short, I feel like my whole life I've been standing in the middle of an empty street with my arms out wide hoping for some meaning or a little paper airplane with a secret note telling me which direction to go to fall onto my lap. Why did this happen and why is it like this, those types of things, but there's been an underlying theme to it all, like a synthetic happiness (not the emo kind, the kind where something really shitty happens and you try to find the good points) that ya' know, somehow keeps "everything" afloat.
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For class we had to answer a bunch of "why" questions and that type of thing is typical of this instructor, which I believe is very very important. That was at the beginning of the semester. At that point I was saying, I do art for me, because I've done it all my life, the videogames, the coooooolness of making stuff up. While all that does play into the reasons why, it is soooo linear. I thought it defined me - you know, if you're an artist, at highschool or whatever people dubbed you the artist and what not. "Hey you know how to draw! I can't even draw a stick-figure!" That kind of stuff, lol.. did it almost everyday, it was fun, interesting, etc etc. But right now people ask me, "so what are you going to do after graduating?" and I say, "well of course I'm going to California to pursue this path. Because I went there and it made me happy and seemed really cool." --
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For a while it wasn't old. That's honestly what I was feeling. OF COURSE that's what I'm going to do, a no-brainer! But yet while talking to my friend about it, I was still unsure. I thought, well, of course it's a different side of the US, I'm going to be unsure. But there's something else: I realized that these goals and things have always been about me me meeeee.. Now I'm not saying I'm a self-centered person, at least I never thought I was (o_o?), but I think I'm thinking that I would also be happy later in the grand scheme of things if I helped others with it. Whatever IT is, I dunno', lol, but it just sounds cheesy that way. For a brief moment I think that maybe art has to be my raft to hold onto what I really want to give. And wtf if I'm passionate about my raft I'm scared to know what it's going to be holding!
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Anyways, that's a tangent; focus right now, graduating! ;D
9 comments:
Hmm. What I might share with you is what you've probably heard many times over, but nevertheless I'll type away in hopes that this may add a little encouragement.
Well you're not alone Naomi. At some point everyone has similar sentiments about being the one reaching to the sky in the middle of an open street pondering those thoughts. (which btw you beautifully described in the 1st paragraph. haha.) I haven't discovered a particular concrete answer it to myself, but if you can do the work and you have the passion then keep continuing what brings you the utmost joy.
Hehe. Naomi wasn't the class clown in high school? Drats! ;P
Cast aside such as notions of being 'self-centered' when it comes to your goals in life. After all, miss, it is about you; and everything rests on your shoulders.
This will sound corny, but hold onto your raft. One day you might find a great set of companions and embark on a never-ending journey in a rag-tag ship that could eventually become a fleet of Spaaaaaaartans.
You know, not much more than a year ago I almost gave up art for similar reasons; among others. I wasn't sure how I contributed to others either, art is more than a bit selfish at times. But it's also about expression, something so indelibly tied to human interaction. We need to share our thoughts and minds with others as humans, this is what art is all about.
Anyhow you won't always be able to be selfless with your art, but you can be selfless outside of art too.
You should consider teaching perhaps? Even just on the side or at ConceptArt/Etc. (CA has a nice mentoring section btw :) )
I was an art major when I started college, and I a big fish in a small Christian-liberal-arts pond. One of the things that I hated about their program was that their were so many people who were in it just because they didn't know what they wanted to do. They talked in class, turned in late and lazy work, and (worst of all) nobody had the guts to tell these twinkies that if they didn't pull it together in school, life wasn't going to go well for them. See, those are the type of people who really have to worry about what is coming. From what I see of what you've done, I can't imagine that describes you very well.
Anyways, that's my two cents. The rest of the buck-o-five rattling around in the brain pan is religious stuff, which doesn't interest a whole lot of people. I'm rooting for you.
Naomi, I wonder if you've ever read any Taoist philosophy? One of the greatest answers to my questions have been guided by more questions, which may frustrate some, but the journey is just as important as the 'destination.' Perhaps a bit on the metaphysical side but wholly relevant as the currents that push our sails. If you'd like a starter, pick up "The Tao of Pooh." If you've already read it then the "Tao Te Ching" is pretty hot. If philosophy isn't your thing (but I can't think you'd be totally turned off to it with the questions you're asking) then meditation might be in order so your answers might manifest. Anyway, I think you're talent and ambition will take you wherever you'd like to go.
I think there's a family of rats nesting under my house that we could slay together.
...I dunno, you might find some answers while down there.
Unaccustomed as I am to ferlosifizin', I'll just say this: right now it should be about youyouyou! Keep doing what you're doing, don't let ANYBODY screw with your passion and (most of) the rest will take care of itself. Youyouyou...you.
Uau, Naomi.Excellent works, and Sketchbooks. Congratulations from barcelona. I invite u to my blog:
to crawdaddy j.-
that's what i was getting at (in a most circuitous aspeechifyin')
don't beat me with your brainfist
I am sure every artist has had to deal with personal conflictions involving their purpose in the society, and maybe its true that its very much tied to what kind of art we do, and how it permeates into poeples minds, and how it can change them. I've always thought that all the art that I do is for me, and it doesnt help anything, and contributes to little else. Off course, our art most probably wont save lives,but as tom scholes (very well) put it, there s a subtle, but very potent role that we play, its just that its not physical, but it can be as strong. I personally believe that its possible to bring 'concept art' into this, by bringing in stronger elements of emotion, and real human values into the stuff we do.
I've found many a picture that struck me emotionally, and tat made me feel better (or worse) about something. And i think that is the key part of being an artist, its all in the message that we send.
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