Monday, February 11, 2008
Stopping points ~
Ugh I really have been working, but nothing that I can really show right now. So here's an old sketch I managed to squeeze in at some point last week!
I wanted to talk about some things going on lately and a point that I thought about with a friend the other day. In short, I feel like my whole life I've been standing in the middle of an empty street with my arms out wide hoping for some meaning or a little paper airplane with a secret note telling me which direction to go to fall onto my lap. Why did this happen and why is it like this, those types of things, but there's been an underlying theme to it all, like a synthetic happiness (not the emo kind, the kind where something really shitty happens and you try to find the good points) that ya' know, somehow keeps "everything" afloat.
For class we had to answer a bunch of "why" questions and that type of thing is typical of this instructor, which I believe is very very important. That was at the beginning of the semester. At that point I was saying, I do art for me, because I've done it all my life, the videogames, the coooooolness of making stuff up. While all that does play into the reasons why, it is soooo linear. I thought it defined me - you know, if you're an artist, at highschool or whatever people dubbed you the artist and what not. "Hey you know how to draw! I can't even draw a stick-figure!" That kind of stuff, lol.. did it almost everyday, it was fun, interesting, etc etc. But right now people ask me, "so what are you going to do after graduating?" and I say, "well of course I'm going to California to pursue this path. Because I went there and it made me happy and seemed really cool." --
For a while it wasn't old. That's honestly what I was feeling. OF COURSE that's what I'm going to do, a no-brainer! But yet while talking to my friend about it, I was still unsure. I thought, well, of course it's a different side of the US, I'm going to be unsure. But there's something else: I realized that these goals and things have always been about me me meeeee.. Now I'm not saying I'm a self-centered person, at least I never thought I was (o_o?), but I think I'm thinking that I would also be happy later in the grand scheme of things if I helped others with it. Whatever IT is, I dunno', lol, but it just sounds cheesy that way. For a brief moment I think that maybe art has to be my raft to hold onto what I really want to give. And wtf if I'm passionate about my raft I'm scared to know what it's going to be holding!
Anyways, that's a tangent; focus right now, graduating! ;D